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That awkward space between reality and reality television.
Wednesday, May 19, 2004
This week, Possum offers you a zodialogical forecast for the rest of the summer.
Taurus (April 20-May 20) Take this time to write a love poem to that special T.A.. You know who I'm talking about. Compare their posterior to that of the sphinx.
Gemini (May 21-June 20) Walk around talking incessantly into your pager. Everytime you finish a sentence make that 'beep-beep-beep' noise like the walkie-talkies make. Get really upset that the shipment of PVC elbow joints from Topeka hasn't arrived yet.
Cancer (June 21-July 22) Stand in front of the dining hall during summer orientation with all of your notes from last semester. Hand everyone who passes by a single page and tell them, "Test tomorrow."
Leo (July 23-August 22) Quit your whining!
Virgo (August 23-September 22) 11 may seem like a lot, but keep trying. You will get there.
Libra (September 23-October 22) When faced with a difficult situation, ask yourself, "what would Possum do?" After evaluating why that failed you will have your answer.
Scorpio (October 23-November 21) You like Chinese food.
Sagittarius (November 22-December 21) As you are driving around town, pull over to ask every jogger or walker that you pass if they need a lift to wherever they are going.
Capricorn (December 22-January 19) Volunteer to give directions to people even if they do not ask or do not appear to be lost. Describe everything in terms of where things used to be. Homes of dead relatives and "where I ate lunch that one day" are useful landmarks.
Aquarius (January 20-February 18) If you can't beat 'em you're probably not swinging hard enough.
Pisces (February 19-March 20) Beware the eyes of Marge. The left one is lazy and she's very self-conscious about it.
Aries (March 21-April 19) Leveling the playing field could take a while, particularly if it is a grass surface. If it is on the side of a mountain, it may require a bulldozer.
You just can't make this stuff up.
Taurus (April 20-May 20) Take this time to write a love poem to that special T.A.. You know who I'm talking about. Compare their posterior to that of the sphinx.
Gemini (May 21-June 20) Walk around talking incessantly into your pager. Everytime you finish a sentence make that 'beep-beep-beep' noise like the walkie-talkies make. Get really upset that the shipment of PVC elbow joints from Topeka hasn't arrived yet.
Cancer (June 21-July 22) Stand in front of the dining hall during summer orientation with all of your notes from last semester. Hand everyone who passes by a single page and tell them, "Test tomorrow."
Leo (July 23-August 22) Quit your whining!
Virgo (August 23-September 22) 11 may seem like a lot, but keep trying. You will get there.
Libra (September 23-October 22) When faced with a difficult situation, ask yourself, "what would Possum do?" After evaluating why that failed you will have your answer.
Scorpio (October 23-November 21) You like Chinese food.
Sagittarius (November 22-December 21) As you are driving around town, pull over to ask every jogger or walker that you pass if they need a lift to wherever they are going.
Capricorn (December 22-January 19) Volunteer to give directions to people even if they do not ask or do not appear to be lost. Describe everything in terms of where things used to be. Homes of dead relatives and "where I ate lunch that one day" are useful landmarks.
Aquarius (January 20-February 18) If you can't beat 'em you're probably not swinging hard enough.
Pisces (February 19-March 20) Beware the eyes of Marge. The left one is lazy and she's very self-conscious about it.
Aries (March 21-April 19) Leveling the playing field could take a while, particularly if it is a grass surface. If it is on the side of a mountain, it may require a bulldozer.
You just can't make this stuff up.
Wednesday, May 12, 2004
It's midnight and I pull out of the Bolinwood parking lot with a box of Tide in my lap. It was the unfortunate last piece to an ill-conceived puzzle that just didn't quite fit.
Generally, I'm quite the efficient packer, however, like often happens when I underestimate the size of my load, I failed to make use of this gift. When I know I'm going to be squeezed for space each piece of the puzzle fits seemlessly. It has to. I have always followed the rule, "if it don't fit in my car, it doesn't go home...or to school as the case may be." This time, though, I'm not going home. A four hour trip is trimmed to barely four minutes, so I carelessly tossed all my belongings into the car.
I feel a sharp stabbing sensation in my thigh as I truck on down Estes Drive. I had forgotten about the cell phone adaptor that I had stuffed in my pocket, but remember full well as it turns itself over and mistakes my leg for an electrical outlet. Two hands are insufficient for addressing the situation in my left pocket, keeping the car between the lines, and preventing the powder detergeant from making the steering wheel Mountain Spring fresh.
I sucked it up for another three miles.
I arrive at Foxcroft, a place that feels like home though I've never officially called it home. It was one stop on Possum's Homeless Plight Tour several months ago, but before that it played weekday residence to my car thanks to the ample parking spaces and the good friends that lived there for several years while I was in school.
You may ask yourself why I'm moving across town for two months then moving back to 302D. Let's just say that I was the first voted off the island. It wasn't so much a personality issue as a matter of seniority. That, and they knew that if they kept me around I was surely to win the $1 million. A country boy can survive.
A move every few months is always a good thing...it keeps my stalkers alert.
Generally, I'm quite the efficient packer, however, like often happens when I underestimate the size of my load, I failed to make use of this gift. When I know I'm going to be squeezed for space each piece of the puzzle fits seemlessly. It has to. I have always followed the rule, "if it don't fit in my car, it doesn't go home...or to school as the case may be." This time, though, I'm not going home. A four hour trip is trimmed to barely four minutes, so I carelessly tossed all my belongings into the car.
I feel a sharp stabbing sensation in my thigh as I truck on down Estes Drive. I had forgotten about the cell phone adaptor that I had stuffed in my pocket, but remember full well as it turns itself over and mistakes my leg for an electrical outlet. Two hands are insufficient for addressing the situation in my left pocket, keeping the car between the lines, and preventing the powder detergeant from making the steering wheel Mountain Spring fresh.
I sucked it up for another three miles.
I arrive at Foxcroft, a place that feels like home though I've never officially called it home. It was one stop on Possum's Homeless Plight Tour several months ago, but before that it played weekday residence to my car thanks to the ample parking spaces and the good friends that lived there for several years while I was in school.
You may ask yourself why I'm moving across town for two months then moving back to 302D. Let's just say that I was the first voted off the island. It wasn't so much a personality issue as a matter of seniority. That, and they knew that if they kept me around I was surely to win the $1 million. A country boy can survive.
A move every few months is always a good thing...it keeps my stalkers alert.
It's midnight and I pull out of the Bolinwood parking lot with a box of Tide in my lap. It was the unfortunate last piece to an ill-conceived puzzle that just didn't quite fit.
Generally, I'm quite the efficient packer, however, like often happens when I underestimate the size of my load, I failed to make use of this gift. When I know I'm going to be squeezed for space each piece of the puzzle fits seemlessly. It has to. I have always followed the rule, "if it don't fit in my car, it doesn't go home...or to school as the case may be." This time, though, I'm not going home. A four hour trip is trimmed to barely four minutes, so I carelessly tossed all my belongings into the car.
I feel a sharp stabbing sensation in my thigh as I truck on down Estes Drive. I had forgotten about the cell phone adaptor that I had stuffed in my pocket, but remember full well as it turns itself over and mistakes my leg for an electrical outlet. Two hands are insufficient for addressing the situation in my left pocket, keeping the car between the lines, and preventing the powder detergeant from making the steering wheel Mountain Spring fresh.
I sucked it up for another three miles.
I arrive at Foxcroft, a place that feels like home though I've never officially called it home. It was one stop on Possum's Homeless Plight Tour several months ago, but before that it played weekday residence to my car thanks to the ample parking spaces and the good friends that lived there for several years while I was in school.
You may ask yourself why I'm moving across town for two months then moving back to 302D. Let's just say that I was the first voted off the island. It wasn't so much a personality issue as a matter of seniority. That, and they knew that if they kept me around I was surely to win the $1 million. A country boy can survive.
A move every few months is always a good thing...it keeps my stalkers alert.
Generally, I'm quite the efficient packer, however, like often happens when I underestimate the size of my load, I failed to make use of this gift. When I know I'm going to be squeezed for space each piece of the puzzle fits seemlessly. It has to. I have always followed the rule, "if it don't fit in my car, it doesn't go home...or to school as the case may be." This time, though, I'm not going home. A four hour trip is trimmed to barely four minutes, so I carelessly tossed all my belongings into the car.
I feel a sharp stabbing sensation in my thigh as I truck on down Estes Drive. I had forgotten about the cell phone adaptor that I had stuffed in my pocket, but remember full well as it turns itself over and mistakes my leg for an electrical outlet. Two hands are insufficient for addressing the situation in my left pocket, keeping the car between the lines, and preventing the powder detergeant from making the steering wheel Mountain Spring fresh.
I sucked it up for another three miles.
I arrive at Foxcroft, a place that feels like home though I've never officially called it home. It was one stop on Possum's Homeless Plight Tour several months ago, but before that it played weekday residence to my car thanks to the ample parking spaces and the good friends that lived there for several years while I was in school.
You may ask yourself why I'm moving across town for two months then moving back to 302D. Let's just say that I was the first voted off the island. It wasn't so much a personality issue as a matter of seniority. That, and they knew that if they kept me around I was surely to win the $1 million. A country boy can survive.
A move every few months is always a good thing...it keeps my stalkers alert.
Wednesday, May 05, 2004
A rather large portion of my day is spent answering questions like: So, what's your season for next year? Do you have your season yet? When are you going to have your season? Why are you trying to sell me tickets to a season that hasn't been announced?
You get the picture.
Well, I'm proud to announce that we finally have a season set. My suggestions of Picasso at the Lapin Agile, The Odd Couple: Female Version, and Footloose: The Musical were promptly discarded.
Each year, Playmakers releases a brief "blurb" for each play to give people some idea of what the play is about. These "blurbs" are notoriously vague and often result in people calling me up to ask for a more in-depth synopsis. However, having only read one and a half of these plays, I shall try to out-do Playmakers in terms of vagueness.
The Tragedy of King Richard II by William Shakespeare
No nudity.
Not About Heroes by Stephen Macdonald
Obviously not about me.
Copenhagen by Michael Frayn
I was disappointed to find out that this play has nothing to do with tobacco.
Yellow Man by Dael Orlandersmith
...but this play, oh wait, that's Red Man. Nevermind.
Caesar and Cleopatra by George Bernard Shaw
Like Shakespeare, only in English.
So give me a call and I'll set you up with some tickets for what promises to be eight months of uproarious comedy (insert tongue into cheek).
You get the picture.
Well, I'm proud to announce that we finally have a season set. My suggestions of Picasso at the Lapin Agile, The Odd Couple: Female Version, and Footloose: The Musical were promptly discarded.
Each year, Playmakers releases a brief "blurb" for each play to give people some idea of what the play is about. These "blurbs" are notoriously vague and often result in people calling me up to ask for a more in-depth synopsis. However, having only read one and a half of these plays, I shall try to out-do Playmakers in terms of vagueness.
The Tragedy of King Richard II by William Shakespeare
No nudity.
Not About Heroes by Stephen Macdonald
Obviously not about me.
Copenhagen by Michael Frayn
I was disappointed to find out that this play has nothing to do with tobacco.
Yellow Man by Dael Orlandersmith
...but this play, oh wait, that's Red Man. Nevermind.
Caesar and Cleopatra by George Bernard Shaw
Like Shakespeare, only in English.
So give me a call and I'll set you up with some tickets for what promises to be eight months of uproarious comedy (insert tongue into cheek).
