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Wednesday, July 06, 2005
Tom Cruise owes me $8.00.
Summer blockbusters typically do not do anything for me, and I avoid them at all costs. Last week, I was accused of being a movie snob, and I don't have a problem with that. However, for the second year in a row, generally glowing reviews have led me to believe that the latest Tom Cruise thriller might be different from all the rest. And so, against my better judgement, I shelled out the eight bucks it now requires to see a movie at Southpoint.
I don't like Tom Cruise. I hated The Last Samurai, was disappointed by Collateral, think Jerry Mcguire is overrated, and believe Top Gun to be more of a chick flick than Pretty Woman. So why, particularly taking into account the recent sophomoric antics of the Tom Cruise media circus, did I think that War of the Worlds would be any different?
The truth is I don't know.
This movie makes no sense, and after reading many positive reviews (even from the New Yorker!) I began to wonder if I was watching the same film. To me, this movie represents the pinnacle of 'don't ask questions, just sit back and enjoy the SFX.'
First of all, Tom Cruise's character Ray is a jerk. Ray's son is a jerk. Ray's daughter is obnoxious. It was impossible for me to feel anything for these characters short of an intense desire for all three of them to be vaporized by the Spaced Invaders 10 minutes into the film. The first half of this movie is like a painful family vacation when you were 8 and your brother or sister was 6 and the whole week is spent fighting. If I were director, my first change would be to replace Tom Cruise with Chevy Chase. It is worth noting that most reviewers consider this the stronger half of the movie.
Spielberg cuts right to the chase with a lightning storm that the aliens use to awaken the tripod ships that they buried under the ground before the dawn of time. If you read a little about Scientology, you'll actually find that this is the premise of their beliefs. I would estimate these vessels to be anywhere from 30 to 80 feet tall, depending on the scene. They do not blast their way out of the Earth, but rather crawl out from the ground as if they were climbing out from the subway. I'm not sure how no noticed them there.
After seeing all of their neighbors vaporized, Tom Cruise and family decide to go on foot (mostly) from Newark to Boston.
The emotional climax to War of the Worlds comes barely half way in which becomes problematic when the resolution comes in the final 45 seconds. This climax occurs under the feet of the alien tripods. With frantic people running away, father and son try to kill each other before the aliens get a chance to kill themselves. The result of this pissing contest is Tom Cruise's son running off to join the fight against the insurgency in Fallujah. Like Chuck Cunningham, never to be seen again.
Instead of following the son, whose adventure must be exponentially more interesting than Tom Cruise's, we enter the Tim Robbins chapter of the film. With hundreds of frantic people running across Connecticut with several giant alien tripods chasing them, Tom Cruise and Dakota Fanning stumble across the only house left standing in the entire state. Tim Robbins picks these two out of the crowd to come chill with him in his basement. Earlier, Tom managed to find the only car in the world that was still operational, so this second stroke of luck would seem like winning Powerball twice in one day.
Tom and Dakota quickly realize that they may not be as fortunate as they thought as they listen to Robbin's insane ramblings while watching the country side completely liquified around them. Fed up with his nonsense, Cruise strangles his host in perhaps the most bizarre moment of the picture. This is where it starts to get redundant. Alien probe comes into the basement, Tom and Dakota hide. Aliens (that look exactly like the ones from Independence Day) come into the basement, Tom and Dakota hide. Alien probe comes into the basement, Tom and Dakota hide.
However, the third time does not prove to be the charm as they are capture and thrown into a cage under the belly of one of the tripods. Cruise is sucked up through the anus of the alien ship where he leaves a grenade and is pulled out by an army officer. The tripod crashes, and Tom and Dakota land safely in Boston which is seemingly untouched to reunite with the children's mother and brother who had run off instead of hanging out with Tim Robbins.
SPOILER:
Then all the alien ships die in about 30 seconds from natural causes.
So, to summarize the plot: Aliens invade Earth. Tom Cruise risks death to drop his kids off at their mother's. For a science fiction movie, there sure wasn't much science in it. We know absolutely nothing about the aliens at the end of the movie other than they are allergic to human dander and grenades to the rectum.
What's so funny, Tom Cruise? That's just him laughing all the way to the bank.
Summer blockbusters typically do not do anything for me, and I avoid them at all costs. Last week, I was accused of being a movie snob, and I don't have a problem with that. However, for the second year in a row, generally glowing reviews have led me to believe that the latest Tom Cruise thriller might be different from all the rest. And so, against my better judgement, I shelled out the eight bucks it now requires to see a movie at Southpoint.
I don't like Tom Cruise. I hated The Last Samurai, was disappointed by Collateral, think Jerry Mcguire is overrated, and believe Top Gun to be more of a chick flick than Pretty Woman. So why, particularly taking into account the recent sophomoric antics of the Tom Cruise media circus, did I think that War of the Worlds would be any different?
The truth is I don't know.
This movie makes no sense, and after reading many positive reviews (even from the New Yorker!) I began to wonder if I was watching the same film. To me, this movie represents the pinnacle of 'don't ask questions, just sit back and enjoy the SFX.'
First of all, Tom Cruise's character Ray is a jerk. Ray's son is a jerk. Ray's daughter is obnoxious. It was impossible for me to feel anything for these characters short of an intense desire for all three of them to be vaporized by the Spaced Invaders 10 minutes into the film. The first half of this movie is like a painful family vacation when you were 8 and your brother or sister was 6 and the whole week is spent fighting. If I were director, my first change would be to replace Tom Cruise with Chevy Chase. It is worth noting that most reviewers consider this the stronger half of the movie.
Spielberg cuts right to the chase with a lightning storm that the aliens use to awaken the tripod ships that they buried under the ground before the dawn of time. If you read a little about Scientology, you'll actually find that this is the premise of their beliefs. I would estimate these vessels to be anywhere from 30 to 80 feet tall, depending on the scene. They do not blast their way out of the Earth, but rather crawl out from the ground as if they were climbing out from the subway. I'm not sure how no noticed them there.
After seeing all of their neighbors vaporized, Tom Cruise and family decide to go on foot (mostly) from Newark to Boston.
The emotional climax to War of the Worlds comes barely half way in which becomes problematic when the resolution comes in the final 45 seconds. This climax occurs under the feet of the alien tripods. With frantic people running away, father and son try to kill each other before the aliens get a chance to kill themselves. The result of this pissing contest is Tom Cruise's son running off to join the fight against the insurgency in Fallujah. Like Chuck Cunningham, never to be seen again.
Instead of following the son, whose adventure must be exponentially more interesting than Tom Cruise's, we enter the Tim Robbins chapter of the film. With hundreds of frantic people running across Connecticut with several giant alien tripods chasing them, Tom Cruise and Dakota Fanning stumble across the only house left standing in the entire state. Tim Robbins picks these two out of the crowd to come chill with him in his basement. Earlier, Tom managed to find the only car in the world that was still operational, so this second stroke of luck would seem like winning Powerball twice in one day.
Tom and Dakota quickly realize that they may not be as fortunate as they thought as they listen to Robbin's insane ramblings while watching the country side completely liquified around them. Fed up with his nonsense, Cruise strangles his host in perhaps the most bizarre moment of the picture. This is where it starts to get redundant. Alien probe comes into the basement, Tom and Dakota hide. Aliens (that look exactly like the ones from Independence Day) come into the basement, Tom and Dakota hide. Alien probe comes into the basement, Tom and Dakota hide.
However, the third time does not prove to be the charm as they are capture and thrown into a cage under the belly of one of the tripods. Cruise is sucked up through the anus of the alien ship where he leaves a grenade and is pulled out by an army officer. The tripod crashes, and Tom and Dakota land safely in Boston which is seemingly untouched to reunite with the children's mother and brother who had run off instead of hanging out with Tim Robbins.
SPOILER:
Then all the alien ships die in about 30 seconds from natural causes.
So, to summarize the plot: Aliens invade Earth. Tom Cruise risks death to drop his kids off at their mother's. For a science fiction movie, there sure wasn't much science in it. We know absolutely nothing about the aliens at the end of the movie other than they are allergic to human dander and grenades to the rectum.
What's so funny, Tom Cruise? That's just him laughing all the way to the bank.
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