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Thursday, July 14, 2005
Summer horoscope time!!!
Cancer (June 21 - July 22): You will wrestle with keeping Jewish tradition and embracing modernity as your three oldest daughters fall in love with the rabbi's son, a family friend and a communist. While it would be nice, you will never be rich.
Leo (July 23 - August 22): You will make a bet with an old friend that involves him taking a missionary to Cuba. In the meantime, you run an underground (literally) gambling ring. You will also marry your significant other of 14 years.
Libra (September 23 - October 22): You will move to a small town in Iowa where you will fall in love with the town librarian. You will also organize a youth band despite having zero musical talent.
Scorpio (October 23 - November 21): What seems like an ordinary audition will turn into the experience of a lifetime where you learn more about yourself as well, as the strangers around you, than ever before.
Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21): You will go to jail for murdering a furniture salesman, but get acquitted thanks to the help of your smooth-talking lawyer. You will then put on a jazz show.
Capricorn (December 22 - January 19): You will move in with all your Bohemian friends in New York's Lower East Side where you will learn about life and love while rehearsing for a show and trying to save your apartment building from being turned into a parking lot.
Aquarius (January 20 - February 18): You will board the S.S. American bound for England. However, your trip will be hindered by Public Enemy No. 13 who snuck onboard disquised as a priest.
Pisces (February 19 - March 20): You will make a bet with your associate in which you teach a poor, young girl how to speak properly.
Aries (March 21 - April 19): You will stumble on a goldmine by opening a barbershop where you will murder your customers, chop them up and sell them as meat pies.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20): You will breakdown in the middle of nowhere on a long road trip. In search of a telephone, you will end up in a sordid world of kinky transexuals.
Gemini (May 21 - June 20): The night before your wedding you will try to discover which of three men is your real father set to the music of Abba.
Cancer (June 21 - July 22): You will wrestle with keeping Jewish tradition and embracing modernity as your three oldest daughters fall in love with the rabbi's son, a family friend and a communist. While it would be nice, you will never be rich.
Leo (July 23 - August 22): You will make a bet with an old friend that involves him taking a missionary to Cuba. In the meantime, you run an underground (literally) gambling ring. You will also marry your significant other of 14 years.
Libra (September 23 - October 22): You will move to a small town in Iowa where you will fall in love with the town librarian. You will also organize a youth band despite having zero musical talent.
Scorpio (October 23 - November 21): What seems like an ordinary audition will turn into the experience of a lifetime where you learn more about yourself as well, as the strangers around you, than ever before.
Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21): You will go to jail for murdering a furniture salesman, but get acquitted thanks to the help of your smooth-talking lawyer. You will then put on a jazz show.
Capricorn (December 22 - January 19): You will move in with all your Bohemian friends in New York's Lower East Side where you will learn about life and love while rehearsing for a show and trying to save your apartment building from being turned into a parking lot.
Aquarius (January 20 - February 18): You will board the S.S. American bound for England. However, your trip will be hindered by Public Enemy No. 13 who snuck onboard disquised as a priest.
Pisces (February 19 - March 20): You will make a bet with your associate in which you teach a poor, young girl how to speak properly.
Aries (March 21 - April 19): You will stumble on a goldmine by opening a barbershop where you will murder your customers, chop them up and sell them as meat pies.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20): You will breakdown in the middle of nowhere on a long road trip. In search of a telephone, you will end up in a sordid world of kinky transexuals.
Gemini (May 21 - June 20): The night before your wedding you will try to discover which of three men is your real father set to the music of Abba.
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