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Monday, September 20, 2004
Following up on the overwhelming popularity of the summer horoscopes and with the current blast of autumn-like air in the Chapel Hill area, I figured it was about time to do a fall edition of Possum Holler Horoscopes as a service to those of you who have no idea what is going to happen over the next few months.
Virgo (Aug 23-Sept 22) You will find time between your studies to write a screenplay adaptation of the hit musical, RENT, starring Lee Marvin and Angelina Jolie. Don't be discouraged if Miramax turns you down.
Libra (Sept 23-Oct 22) You will spend all your birthday money at Lowes. Better yet, you will send all your birthday money to Possum, and he will spend it at Lowes. You should also go fishing.
Scorpio (Oct 23-Nov 21) There is not much room for error. Be as efficient as possible unless you are knitting. Then you can take as long as you want.
Sagittarius (Nov 22-Dec 21) More stuff will happen than not. I can't be any more specific.
Capricorn (Dec 22-Jan 19) The day will come when the question must be asked, "Who is that naked man sitting on my couch playing acoustic guitar?" If the answer is, Elvis Costello, don't buy it!
Aquarius (Jan 20-Feb 18) Avoid ceiling fans. Trust me.
Pisces (Feb 19-Mar 20) The phrase, "Fire at will," will take on special meaning. Particularly if you are bank robber or in charge of copious numbers of inept people.
Aries (Mar 21-Apr 19) Don't forget to pay your taxes.
Taurus (Apr 20-May 20) A garden trowel can be your best friend. Feel free to bathe more often. Don't be a punk.
Gemini (May 21-June 20) Follow your heart on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays, follow someone else's on Tuesdays and Thursdays. On the weekends follow a compass.
Cancer (June 21-July 22) Quit your job and tell your boss that you are leaving to pursue a career in watching Law & Order.
Leo (July 23-June 22) Partly cloudy with a 50% chance of rain.
I don't know how I know these things. I just do.
Virgo (Aug 23-Sept 22) You will find time between your studies to write a screenplay adaptation of the hit musical, RENT, starring Lee Marvin and Angelina Jolie. Don't be discouraged if Miramax turns you down.
Libra (Sept 23-Oct 22) You will spend all your birthday money at Lowes. Better yet, you will send all your birthday money to Possum, and he will spend it at Lowes. You should also go fishing.
Scorpio (Oct 23-Nov 21) There is not much room for error. Be as efficient as possible unless you are knitting. Then you can take as long as you want.
Sagittarius (Nov 22-Dec 21) More stuff will happen than not. I can't be any more specific.
Capricorn (Dec 22-Jan 19) The day will come when the question must be asked, "Who is that naked man sitting on my couch playing acoustic guitar?" If the answer is, Elvis Costello, don't buy it!
Aquarius (Jan 20-Feb 18) Avoid ceiling fans. Trust me.
Pisces (Feb 19-Mar 20) The phrase, "Fire at will," will take on special meaning. Particularly if you are bank robber or in charge of copious numbers of inept people.
Aries (Mar 21-Apr 19) Don't forget to pay your taxes.
Taurus (Apr 20-May 20) A garden trowel can be your best friend. Feel free to bathe more often. Don't be a punk.
Gemini (May 21-June 20) Follow your heart on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays, follow someone else's on Tuesdays and Thursdays. On the weekends follow a compass.
Cancer (June 21-July 22) Quit your job and tell your boss that you are leaving to pursue a career in watching Law & Order.
Leo (July 23-June 22) Partly cloudy with a 50% chance of rain.
I don't know how I know these things. I just do.
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